I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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