you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
