so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
