And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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