I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
