maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
