i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
