my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
