I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i've created a new STD.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
