She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
