I think i peed on brittanys purse
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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