PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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