I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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