youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
