ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
