I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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