All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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