i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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