Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
