Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
