I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
