Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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