Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
