I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
