and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
