my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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