Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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