Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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