Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
