Already got asked if we're dating
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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