Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
