Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
