I'm lost and stupid without you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
