I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
