at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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