my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
