you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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