Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
