She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Who died my cat blue again?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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