Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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