I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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