using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
