i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
