i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
