I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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