not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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