I think i peed on brittanys purse
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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