He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
