when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
This girl is more easily done than said...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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