I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
