I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
