New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
