Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
